Therapy for Perfectionism & People Pleasing
When doing everything “right” still doesn’t feel like enough
You may be the person others turn to—the reliable one, the organized one, the one who keeps things from falling apart.
From the outside, it might look like you’re thriving. On the inside, it might feel more like:
Exhaustion from constantly holding yourself to impossible standards
Anxiety about making a mistake, disappointing someone, or being “found out”
Over‑functioning at work, at home, or in relationships while quietly burning out
Saying “yes” when you’re already depleted, then feeling resentful and guilty
Struggling to rest, slow down, or do something just because you want to
Perfectionism and people‑pleasing are often praised in our culture. But when they’re rooted in fear, shame, or old survival strategies, they can leave you feeling trapped in a life that doesn’t feel like yours.
Counseling offers a space to understand where these patterns came from—and to begin relating to yourself in a different way.
How perfectionism and people‑pleasing might show up
You might recognize yourself in some of these experiences:
At work:
Over‑preparing, over‑delivering, or taking on more than is yours
Struggling to set boundaries with colleagues or supervisors
Tying your worth to productivity, performance, or praise
In relationships:
Saying “I’m fine” when you’re not
Prioritizing others’ needs and comfort over your own
Avoiding conflict at all costs, even if it means abandoning yourself
In your inner world:
A strong inner critic that calls you lazy, selfish, or not enough
Difficulty identifying what you actually want or need
Feeling like love, belonging, or rest have to be earned
These patterns didn’t appear out of nowhere—and you’re not weak or broken for having them.
Seeking approval is an adaptive behavior
Often, perfectionism and people‑pleasing begin as adaptive strategies. For many people, they are ways of:
Staying emotionally or physically safer in unpredictable homes
Trying to secure love or approval from caregivers or important others
Managing environments marked by criticism, neglect, or instability
Navigating identity‑based stress, bias, or marginalization
If being “easy,” helpful, or high‑achieving made things a little less chaotic—or reduced the chances of being hurt or rejected—it makes sense that part of you would cling to those patterns.
In therapy, we don’t shame these strategies. We honor how hard they’ve worked to protect you, and we explore whether they’re still serving you now.
How I work with you to heal from perfectionism & people‑pleasing
I’m Erin McMahon, LCSW, and I offer trauma‑informed, psychodynamic therapy for adults in Denver, CO and online throughout Colorado.
In our work, we pay attention to:
The present‑day patterns—where you over‑extend, apologize, or push yourself
The relational roots—what you learned early on about love, worthiness, and safety
The felt sense—what happens in your body when you consider saying no, making a mistake, or taking up space
I often integrate:
IFS‑informed (parts) work
We get to know the parts of you that:Push you to perform and never disappoint
Criticize you harshly to “keep you in line”
Feel young, scared, or ashamed underneath it all
EMDR‑informed approaches
When it’s helpful, we may gently work with specific memories, beliefs, or experiences that shaped your fear of failure, rejection, or conflict.
Throughout, the focus is not on forcing you to “be less perfectionistic,” but on building safety, self‑trust, and choice so that you have more options than over‑functioning or collapsing.
What Our Counseling Sessions May Feel Like
In therapy with me, you can expect:
A warm, grounded space where you don’t have to perform or impress
Curiosity instead of judgment about how you’ve coped
Permission to move slowly, change your mind, or not know what you need yet
Attention to both your insights and your nervous system (not just problem‑solving from the neck up)
We might:
Notice what happens in your body when you imagine saying “no” or leaving something imperfect
Explore where your standards came from, and whether they’re still yours
Practice tolerating small moments of rest, pleasure, or imperfection—without immediately rushing to make up for them
Ready to Begin Counseling for Perfectionism & People‑Pleasing?
I offer therapy for perfectionism, people‑pleasing, and related trauma patterns for adults in Denver, CO and online for residents of Colorado.
If this resonates with you, I’d be honored to talk about what you’re carrying and what you’re hoping might change.